august 30,2007


three doors down-let me go

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

[Chorus]
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me


You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me goo...
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me



--ive always been the person who was left with nothing..most of the time i ended up with friends,laughing over that stupid mistake i did again, but sometimes, i curl up in bed and contemplate on how things have turned out badly,and how hurt i was..

i just hate it when evryones not being fair..you do evertyhing and you do not get even a bit of kindness in return..its like a piece of your good heart has been taken away..

i know theres still so much to live for..im so tired of living for everyones sake..im a weakling and i can be really passive when it comes to some things..im tired..im exhausted..tonight,my heart dies..


ill still be praying for you,ill still hope for the best for you,even if you are not doing the same thing to me..even if all you did was hurt me in the most simple way you know..even if it meant and accepting to myself and to all THAT I LOST>>you win..will that make you happy?i hope so,because i give up..ill never win against you..

tonight, my heart dies..and tomorrow, GOD KNOWS, tomorrow will be another day,and the clock will heal all of my heartaches..

tomorrow, GOD will make me meet him,

--that person who will :

ask me where i am

bug me at night

miss me

want my hugs

that its okay to cry over that exam

go with me to attend novenas at stjude

come with me to visit all those beautiful churches in the world

tell me that im not fat

that he loves me even if i was the clumsiest person alive

love my friends and my family

watch every korean film

enjoy my non sense and corny stories

tell me that il make the best lawyer in the world


you see..my heart dies tonight..

but i know,and ill keep praying,

ill eventually meet him..

(thats when youll see me really happy..i wont hear you from now on, i wont be affected with all those things i heard about you, about all those lies you made to me,about all those things you said and did to me..)

goodbye to everything that made me so miserable..

august 29,2007


woohoo..tapos na insurance,crim2 na naman..ngawaan nto!!argg


so this must be how life is,walang lablyp,bad scores and accident prone days..ahaha..yaan ang fun life..bat kaya nung i quit beer(1 lang,lasing nako),nagquit naren ang funfun skin..siguro bawal nga tlga maging gudgirl tlga..

hays 1year na ung mga kalokahan sa bar ops!!woohoo..sa mga makakaalala nun,tawanan nlng nten..haha..ang puyat,ang room service,ang saya..haha


1year na pla ung stalking craze ko,ung pagiging gurl tanga ko..haha


at malamang forevr na tlga kong gurl tanga!!yahoo...un un e..haha


gurl tanga and her search for boy mas tanga..

afraid to need

august 27,2007

if i continue to be so serious n self righteous... nobody, absolutely NOBODY will be able to live up to my expectations... not even myself...

n i'll end up disappointed w e world for not being as perfect as i want it to be...

tt's totally ridiculous... absurd, unreasonable, unacceptable n unheard of... bullshit... all those crap

i'll continue to be unhappy n unproductive if i held such ideals... let them all go... just live my life n let others live theirs....

u do ur best, u excel, u fall... happy n sad... things tt goes ard comes ard...

for me... i seem to be e same... am i?!
i was once e most responsible person i've ever known... now it's exactly e opposite...
i was once e most cheerful n heck care person ... now im e one most depressed n troubled over who knows what?!
i was once e "clever" one... well, at least best in results... now im just an ok student... barely hanging on...
i was once e "creator"... now i dunt really write...
i was once e "talented"... now i dunt even play...
i was once e dreamer n optimists... now im grounded.... n do i still dare to dream?!
i thot life has everything installed for me, I believed.... now... i doubt... e world, my future... n something less abstract... i doubt even myself...
its a very very bad feeling... not believing in anything... feeling so lost n so "floaty"... n not knowing what is worth living for...
i wonder whether its only me... or does it happen to everybody?! who dares admit it? who dares expose such vulnerability...?!

coffee and friends

August 27, 2007 12:38 pm
(sadsad songs playing at the background, and my sister telling me that im nag iinarte again..)

I just got home; I had coffee with two friends who removed me from the gloom I was in tonight. Thanks CHEL and EFREN. We attended mass at st.jude, the one place we (as in the high school gang) all learned to love. We heart st.jude..yey.

I was supposed to be elated from all the things that happened the past months,weeks,days and hours. I am a very lucky person,but in some way the opposite of luck comes from the other side to put things into perspective and to remind me that its not all good days, there are days you just wish you were in bed,unaware of all those things around. But right now, I am having a hard time giving a name to this pain, must be some really bad asthma attack I cannot subdue or must be all the food I took since last night(uy,chel and efren,great party,fantastic food!!) and that small amount of booze(waa!!mark,you were right. I shouldn’t have drank na lang,fatal ang effect e..argg)

So here I am, instead of absorbing all those insurance stuff, im being overly dramatic again..waa..when I am given the chance to study insurance, all I get is a nauseous feeling, but hey im still trying..(Lord, help me pass insurance and all my other subjects..woohoo..even if it meant having no boyfriend for life na..) so this is exactly where all the things are heading to,bargaining with God about the lovelife stuff..Pathetic me!!my BAD!!

As I looked around my journal, everything seemed to be about lovelife, about boyfriends..argg..when will I stop being so engrossed with all this love stuff?!!it better come to an end,NOW!!!

I recently blogged about thanking people who were there for me during that really trying time of my month..haha..thanks guys,I forgot to mention RT din pala who was telling me that things will get better..salamat RT.

I have always loved love, but sometimes I end up at the losing end of such addiction, because in the end, I always wake up reminding myself that I have to get over it..and circumstances nga naman, I received a message from a friend asking me if I was in a relationship na kasi somebody told him about the news. In fact, another friend also messaged me last week telling me about the same subject..IM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP>>IM SINGLE!!im singe..im single..

I got home feeling all sad..a little of that sadness was removed by the LETTERS I received from EFREN AND MICH..aww..sweet..promise..and that cutie at starbucks..waaa..wow!!haha..michelle, you saw the glances and that smile before we left..woohooo..jackpot! sadly, I never got the chance to meet him, just exchanged glances and smile lang..hays…unfair unfair..haha..ooppss..this has got to stop..haha

Im no perfect person so im putting an end to all this tackiness attacking me but il be the usual kinikilig even with the lil stuff, like stories from friends about their kilig moments..weehee..(hey guys, you promised me..)

I got my friends addicted to the notes addiction..on tissue papers, receipts and just about anything where the letters of the alphabet could make a sad heart smile or a happy heart get all the more kilig..im guilty of indulging them in this no nonsense thingy.

Here are the super duper wonderful letters pla!!sweetsweet..loved it..

August 26, 2007 11: 10 pm
Starbucks tomas morato

Abi, gurl!!! It was so fun/great having spent time with you again..i missed hanging out with you, sana we could get together some more.

I feel blessed to have a friend like you. Ewan ko ba, but you have that special aura-power to light up every room you just walk into. Galling!galing tlga!

Don’t be sad na girl. The right man will come din. Who knows db, ikaw pa maunang mag invite samen sa reception.hehe..

Seriously, eng eng tlga ang lalaking manloloko sayo..they don’t know what they’re missing.

Don’t worry,we’ll always be here for you naman e..

Thanks for spending the night with us.

More starbucks to come.
More Aberdeen nights.
More man together.
More dinner/inuman together.

More power to you..

Atty. Abi!

Hehe..diko mapantayan gawa ni efren eh..un lang..=)=)=)=)

mting

Moi reply: chel, 9 years of friendship and counting, grabe you know me in flesh and blood na.you know when and how to make me happy..haha..i love you friend..mwhugs..sniffsniff..crying mode..


Im really so lucky with my friends..aww

And here’s the letter from mich’s lovey,efren..woohoo..thanks to the both of you..grabe..happy..

Imagine a girl with a smile that steeps.
Give way, for this remarkable female. Let not thwart, let not hinder,enter,instead, for better and neither for a letter through this inner invisible weather, well, whatever, but then again neither. Judge my thoughts as though its not into,as though, what the? Not please, as I plead, as I please, this whining, winding oblivion and melancholy of stupor.wink!deeply think,look,discern, get lost? Second thoughts and construe this endless field of cover. Excitement arouse, as we come to this, and then reda between the lines as you indulge as I entice this amalgam of arrangement and as you walk through, make not a conjure, what the heck is conjure? Just remember the imagination and you will remember to give some, what?why?no for this remarkable female..umm, did I mention her name is ABIGAYLE..

Moi reply:woohoo..amazing..does the word give credence to every energy, emotion you placed into letting me feel how you and mich makes me special?salamat,that would not be enough I know..basta, to efren and mich, thanks for all the love..

And here’s another pa pala efren made,amazing!!woohoo…from efren and mich!!

Allure me so, my ever subtle sight, with your inside qualities of charm and purity
Beneath the mystery of your calmness is a peace I long for, for it suits me enough
Inner beauty I suppose, fathomable, it is not.
Gaze, well I guess is an act sole to you
Appreciation is what is next if you peruse her amiability
Yet, did I fail to recognize of this blindness out of sight
Laid my eyes, and I began to see on you my
Ever subtle sight

Moi reply:whew that was really really something! Salamat for making me smile tonight.. you both made me forget about all my hang ups..super salamat.galeng!galeng tlga!!

Thank you michelle and efren..thank you..

1:37 am

So you see, I think im sick na nga tlga, I get all sadsad and then im happyhappy..sadsad because im single but happy happy that I have my friends who I love to bits and who love me in similar respect..cheers to a lifetime of friendship, endless inuman session, get aways, coffee nights, and slacking around..kahit some of us have their own family to build na, most of you in a relationship and me uberly single, im happy, because you people complement my rather insane tendencies..much love to all..

So when I get so down about being single, I just think about my friends and the things and places I’ll get to conquer with them, its more than enough..so do I need a boyfriend?NONONO..im better off alone.. tara pips, enchanted na,antipolo na, starcity na,baguio na, bahay ni jep na, pansit tugue na..meeting place:JTL 8am SHARP..haha..such memories..

I love you all..keep on shining.. sadsad gone..

dvd marathon

100 days with mr.arrogant

windstruck

my sassy girl

sad movie

so ive been crying all night watching those korean films..wahaha..i looked like a dork crying and laughing at the same time..haha..i really heart korean movies...haha..

i heart korean films..

in the eye of the storm

it was exam week but we only got through 2 very difficult exams and yo classes was suspended!!yipee..happy happy..

1 because i was not ready for my insurance recit last wed
2 i did not yet rewrite those 17 digested cases on my yellow pad
3 i was not ready for my special penal laws exams
4 im having a blast with korean films!!weee

and 4days of no classes,still i havent finished a thing..i havent even browsed my notes, my codals or my books...argg..ive spent all my days watching..im guilty..

i should be studying now but im still not in the mood,especially that i have a new set of movies to watch..waa..

im such a slacker..argg..but i have no plans to go through my lessons yet..i still have to finish the movies..nyahaha..

after dinner with my cousin and my nieces,i was planning to go out but the storm really let me stay home, and i have no one to text with..aww..sadsad..so like always, i had to indulge in my addiction,dvd marathon..

i planned to go out with some friends today but they were afraid of the hevay downfall..argg..so im left with nothing to do but watch alone at home..

promise, tonight il open my books,memorize my provisions..i will study..i will study..

but i still have to finish the korean dvd i got..waaa..

i thought i was different..

i thought i was different..but im just a helpless girl..

lately ivebeen feeling helpless,restless..must have been the weather..but when i think about it more, i realize im bothered by the fact that there are some things i just cant do..i am no superwoman..

i thought i was different, but im just a helpless girl..

the rain

i think of you when i hear the rain on my rooftop..i miss you and all that was..

he was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word he said. all I understood was that he was the boy I sat upevery night thinking about, and when I'm with himI feel happy to be alive. like I can do anything. so that'swhat I feel love is, when I'm better because he's here..

friends

So my expectations for a friend are really really simple.

One, to treat me like a person, and two, to make me laugh.

I have really great friends.

They make me laugh....

We sing together....

We eat alot...

We park and drink under the stars...

We run to Starbucks for a quick chat...

We have thee ability to see in eachothers perspective...We listen....

We love to sit in the bed for an hour just to talk...

We hug...We smile...We laugh...

I love these guys.

faith and fate

i love my life..i love it that there will always be that SOMEONE who will understand and will stand by me. i love it that im learning in the course of all my misadventures..

this is the life i love..

this is the life i live..