musings of a passenger

I am but a passenger of this life. The Good Lord is my driver.


Contrary to the popular belief that we are the driver of our lives, I consider myself as merely the passenger. This thought came to me just now, while the boyfriend is driving and I think about the things in my head. I am mentally listing my things to do and more serious stuff like what my goals are for tomorrow and for the next five years.


See, this is the kind of a passenger that I am. While enjoying the view on the road, I also get the time to contemplate.


I really am growing older. Gone were those years when I imagine the "things" I want in my life, while on travel. At this time in my life, I don't imagine the things but I decide on how to go about my days, and make them worthwhile. I do not imagine the phone I have always wanted, but I think about how thankful I am to have this phone at my hand and to type these thought as they come to me.


Back to the driver-passenger relationship, Papa G has driven me to the uphill and downhill slopes of life, but He has never left me throughout the journey. I've had several pit stops, but here I am, back on the road and looking ahead.


I've experienced driving, and I am terrible at it. I am a scared cat when I come face to face with big cars. But I kept trying to learn, I am an eager driver. But tonight, I realized how much better it is to be the passenger.


I won't give up on my passenger's seat, because I know, the driver will lead me to where I am supposed to go.



This passenger is thankful for the driver who is doing all that He can to bring me to my destination. Thank you Papa G.

of relationships, doubts, prayers and most of all love

We've known each other since 1st grade. We've known each other all our lives, his cousin is one of my bestfriends. And I was a constant invite in their family parties. Back in gradeschool, everyone had a crush on him, I had to stop myself from liking him because, i thought, it was unlikely of him to like me. In highschool, we attended batch parties and went out with our friends on several occasions, but never got to talking much. Tita Mila, his aunt always predicted someday we'd get together.

Fast forward to my second year in lawschool, our gradeschool batch had another reunion. One of our friends told me to talk to him to irritate a batchmate of ours who was flirting with him. And so, I did. After that night's party, we ended up talking on the phone until sun out and reminiscing gradeschool.

I'd get calls from him everyday since then. We knew we were starting to like each other but we had to agree on one thing, not one should fall in love with the other. Before going back to Manila for school, he visited me at home and told me he was starting to fall for me.

Having gone back to school, I continued to talk to him over the phone. I was falling for him too but the distance was an issue for me. When I was ready to stop everything, he told me he loved me already and he"s ready to take things to the serious level. Adventurous that I was, I said we can try.

Those years were hard. The distance was difficult to deal with. But almost 5years from there, we are still together. I get to see him more often than when we were both studying, but the distance still haunts me. His work often makes him leave the city for weeks.

We've had our share of almost break ups but the relationship withstood the test of time and distance. Months from now, we will be celebrating our 5th year as a couple, and we've always made it a point to celebrate every month that we surpass. Because the relationship is hard to keep, every month is a milestone for us.

Being in this relationship is no walk in the clouds. 

We had doubts on whether we can still keep going, but one night when I told him i need the time and space to be alone, he told me, "I keep praying for you, but most of all, I am praying for us. This maybe a difficult time for us, but please don't give up just yet. Because I am not giving up on my prayer for us to be together." 

Right now, i still have doubts whether I can still keep fighting for love. I do not have doubts on the fact that i love him. But the thoughts that I have sometimes make me want to explore the world alone. 

And while writing this, I am not sure of what I want for us. But I am holding on because rarely do I meet a man who prays for the relationship they have. And a man who prays to Padre Pio.

Let's see if we can still get pass the following months until we get to our 5th year and towards our forever. 

Love is patient, and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritating or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all  things, hopes all things, endures all things.     1 Cor 13:4-7

a beautiful prayer worth sharing

mom sent me this text one morning..

Lord,

enlighten what is dark in me;

mend what is broken in me;

bind what is bruised in me;

heal what is sick in me;

straighten what is crooked in me;

and revive whatever peace and love which has died in me.

i still have a photograph of you

“Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.”― Marc Riboud

a new life ahead

the optimism of an endless horizon and the blue skies ahead.-michael kors


i love new beginnings. i never get tired of them.

the first of the year, the first of the month, the first of everything, they excite me.


i have gone through so much pain at the start of this year but it did not stop me to hope that i will find my new beginning.


i have so much to be thankful in my life right now, for family, for bab, for my friends and for them who never stopped believing and praying for me.

an entry in my journal for the past month goes like this," Lord, i bring to you my burdens and you know my situation. you know i can never make it without you. comfort my heart, give me strength and help me to carry on."


whenever i feel down, i pray. and then everything goes well. indeed, talking to God always allays our worries.



and the start of this month is a new beginning for me. i am thankful for the things that were and i continue to be hopeful and thankful for the things that will be.

no more worries, just hoping, praying and believing

i ran today to fight off that little voice in my head telling me i can't do it.




sorry little voice,

PHILIPPIANS 3:14 "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME."

happy birthday mama!

iloveyou so much ma!!!you're the best!

thank you babee. for all the support, especially, all the love.thankyou for loving me,even when i least deserve it. iloveyou

just do it

ever since i was a child, i always got what i want. that barbie or that stationery at coed. almost everything.

then i grew up, and unlike that bruised arm or leg i got from playing with the boys which heals immediately, i got myself the "what i thought" was the biggest failure i can have in my life, not passing the 2011 bar exams.

it took me this long to write about it, because i couldnt find the right words to express how i felt during those most trying times. and thinking about it now, i am so thankful and lucky of the family, friends and the boyfriend i have. 

the weeks after i received the bad news, i still had those crying bouts, in the car, in the bathroom, just about anywhere. i bawled like there was no tomorrow.

then one day, i went to church, had a confession, and yes, i was crying my heart out to the priest. i walked out of the church, with a renewed outlook of that failure. and i realized, it was not the biggest failure. the biggest failure i could have made would have been, not waking up from that nightmare and not trying again.

i admit, i still cry at night when i think about all the plans i have to let go for now. when i received the letter from the supreme court, i cried again. of sadness, i was almost there. but more of being thankful, that i still get another chance to try again and do better.

i came across this 'in your time, your will be done" post from one of my favorite lawyer/blogger sabitskipoint.blogspot.com.(i changed the name into mine and wrote this in my journal)

dear gayle,

when you ask me for something, dont dictate how i will answer your prayers. believe and trust that i have your best interest at heart, and i will do as i have promised.

working on your prayers,

God.

p.s.gayle, My ways and not your ways. and need i say that My ways are infinitely better than yours?

5months after that fateful day, i can say, i have become a better person. i still cry over that failure but that will not stop me to run toward the goal. and being a lawyer is not the end goal i have in mind now. but, that by becoming a lawyer, i can share the goodness and the miracle that is in my life. God pushed me further into the goal and He carried me through that moment in my life. and He continues to guide me.

today, i woke up, opened my blog and finally took the courage to write about that failure. 

i remind myself, that i am blessed, afterall.

like my paps, who always is there to cure those cuts i got from running when i was a child, told me when he hugged me that afternoon,"anak, it did not define who you are. let it be a reminder that you are loved, whatever happens."

and just before i run to lose weight, and when my knees are giving up on me while running, i can hear God telling me, "JUST DO IT!"... i whisper a prayer of thanks and "yes Papa G, i will do it, all for your greater glory. amen."

 

january

my 2012 started real well. thank God.

i take it that this year will be my travel year.

on the 1st of january, me, the bf and his friends made the 12hours drive back to manila. it was sad leaving our families on such eventful day, but work required him to get back that soon and as for me, i had to do some job hunting and waiting.

i had t0 clean the entire unit, pack up the xmas decors and cook our food, do the laundry. i had to do these things everyday but i never got tired of it. you don't complain if what you do is appreciated. and i have a bf who appreciates the little things i do for him.

i also spend days out with my girl friends over pizza, coffee and just catching up. i also had to indulge in some fat draining runs and exercises. sadly though, on the second month of the year, i still haven't lost weight. i've been eating so much and exercising less. it maybe because of all the stress of waiting.

but im not complaining, "patience is a virtue. and at the end of it all, is the glory of waiting." so i just take one day at a time. i know, i have all these days to continue praying. and i am thankful to God that days are spent visiting churches and enjoying the time alone.

me and 2 of my fellow barrister friends saved one day for bisita iglesia. it was fun having a day talking about the anxiety of waiting but the beauty of praying.

quiapo church

binondo church

we could not let go of the chance of eating at . we stuffed ourselves with all the chinese food we could take in .

we also passed by the sto.cristo de longos and prayed .

it was a tiring walk from quiapo to binondo and back but the talking while walking made it fun.

it was my first time to see the shrine of the holy face of jesus at quiapo and i was amazed at the beauty of a hidden church.

our itinerary included our dear alma mater's san sebastian church, the first steel church in asia.

when i started lawschool, an hour of our thursdays are spent at the shrine of st.jude, the patron of hopeless cases. law school was not a hopeless enedeavor, but we prayed hard to st.jude to help us go through the tough hurdle of terror professors and suicide inducing recitations. i would not have survived lawschool if not of the constant novenas i made here.

next, were the twin churches, our lady of loreto parish and st.anthony de padua, the patron saint of reviewees church .

we headed to monasterio de sta.clara and finally for our 9th church for the day, the padre pio chapel in libis

.

the padre pio church in libis is my little heaven in the city. when im sad, happy or just needing the time alone, i know, there's a place i can run to. it is a sanctuary of peace and love. the quiet ambiance, will make you feel at peace with everything.

roadtrips, foodtrips and church visits=2012

the highlights of my month included my 26th birthday. it was the first time i spent it with my family. eversince i got into college and then lawschool, birthdays are spent with friends. it was a breath of fresh air to spend it with my mom, sister , nieces and the bf out of town. but we missed dad and chelsea who were back home. we drove to tagaytay city.

visited caleruega church, people's park in the sky, tierra del maria shrine, picnic grove.

im thankful for my family, friends but most especially of my love for driving me to the places i love.

me and my friends had dinner to celebrate mine and cha's birthday. its a small world after all, i celebrate the same birthdate with one of my closest friends cha, who will get married next year. an event, our barkada looks forward to.

and i capped my first month of 2012 with the 46th 30th with my love.

the best dates, indeed, are the simple ones. quezon city memorial circle zipline.

it was only the first month of the year but i have so much to be thankful for.

thank you lord, for the blessings of family, friends and my love.thankyou for the travels. and thank you lord, for a month well lived.

goal:lose weight

the bar review and exams left me with these bulges all over.

2011 was a year of ups and downs for my health. i discovered i had diabetes, and i lost a great amount of the weight at the early part and then i got it back two times more. depression sank in and i lost another great ton but the pressure of the exams made me gain so much more.

and f0r the start of 2012, i am left with this weight which i have to lose and i am desperately working on it.

i started running this week at UP diliman and got around to walking the 2.2kms stretch for two rounds and did one round of jogging/walking on the 2nd day. i know its not much just yet but i am keen of being lean and fit this year.

and the dieting starts...

hello 2012

hello 2012

2012 has started well for me, as it is my fervent prayer that every year is a new beginning.

as of the moment, i am waiting for my life changing dream to come true. and i have faith it will. so while waiting for it, i am indulging myself in prayers and in constant soul searching. this is the dream that will help me and my family and it is the greatest gift i can ever give my parents.

pray.hope. and don't worry.-padre pio